Generic, Meaningful Title

Captain's log,

So there is exactly a month left in my time here. And I am freaking out. What's funny is before I left America, it never once hit me with "holy crap, you're going to Japan!" or anything like that. Even as I was getting on the plane, nothing. But now it's "HOLYSHITYOU'REGOINGBACKTOAMERICADOSOMETHING!!!"

So I'm going to Hiroshima finally this coming weekend. Which should rock. Almost everything's been taken care of. Meeting Lindsay there to show us around, and I look forward to trying hormone-yaki (grilled organs) cause I've never had anything like tripe.

Pretty much all parties have been scheduled until the end, my schedule is almost completely full. Meaning I'm going to be completely broke by the end of this.

I don't want to go. I've had the best year of my life, which I know sounds cliche and cheesy, but it really has been. I have almost no bad memories. That said, I would kill to see my friends back home again.

I love this country, though I could never live here permanently. This country will never fully accept me into society, and my job opportunities are pretty much teacher. I could never raise a kid here because I don't like the education and social systems. There is a phrase that goes "the nail that stands up is hammered down," which basically means all creativity and individuality is crushed. In elementary school, it's all math and kanji, and if the kid does something different than the teacher, they are wrong. They aren't taught to reach for the sky or that you can be whatever you want to be. The best the kids look for is to do well in highschool to get into a university with decent standing to get a job at a decent company. Imagination and individuality are discouraged if not downright punished, and I find that terrifying. Kids don't even raise their hands to answer, or even ask questions in class.

The social system is still moderately sexist, and really focuses on the date crowd and date-y activities. Girls develop this dependence on boyfriends to be happy. One of the ryuugakusei here said she would always get mad at the Japanese girls doing exchange at her school because half of them moped around because they couldn't see their boyfriend, the other moped around because they didn't have a boyfriend. They don't teach people independence or to stand up for themselves, which is equally terrifying.

I am mortified of when I graduate. I'm going to shoot for Cartoon Network, or someone that makes cartoons, but I'm not banking on it. I will probably come back to Japan, teach English, get fluent, go to Taiwan, teach English, learn Chinese, then go back to America or move to Australia and work for the airlines or something. I don't know. There's a lot of conversations I need to have.

I feel my future is bleak.

Crunch Time

Captain's Log:

I have never forgotten about this thing, I'm just lazy/haven't had anything too eventful going on.

It's go time. There's a month and a half left and I'm really feeling the time strain. Went to Shikoku and Naoshima last weekend with Mayo, which was fun, but I missed out on this big Sannomiya trip and my friend's birthday shindig.

Other than that, I go to Ayabe on a field trip next weekend, and finally getting to Hiroshima the weekend after that. My traveling will pretty much be done then, there's a couple of places I plan to go when my parents get here. They arrive the 17th, I move out of my dorm the 18th, I come home the 21st.

I'm in a weird place right now. I keep meeting new people and want to hang out with them, I hardly see a lot of the friends I made first semester, which is kinda sad. I want to stay and hang out and improve my language, but I'm dying to get home and see my friends. It really feels like like forever ago and just yesterday that I arrived, bright eyed and confused. Now I'm used to everything and my confusion is aimed elsewhere. I'm mostly getting heavy doses of anxiety as friendships are strained and my future comes crashing in.

I look forward to coming back.